I get scared more often than people think.
My heart breaks easier than I am likely to admit.
I'm free but sometimes lonely in that freedom.
I fear I'll disappoint people if I ditch my free spirit ways to try something else.
Not that I would change any of this.
Getting scared & moving forward anyway has shown me just how true that old fear acronym is:
Heart break hurts like hell...but my heart has healed stronger every time. And what I've noticed is that I am much more compassionate with people experiencing their own kind of heartbreak because I remember what it was like when people tried to motivate, cajole, or just plain old force me out of mine. Well intentioned acts that just weren't helpful.
The best advice came from an acquaintance who was perhaps the best listener I could have asked for in my moment of gut-wrenching grief. She said I could sit still with it as long as I wanted...but I'd probably be happier if I started to move forward...even just a little. She gave me another acronym...she said when I started to move it was fine not to run...I could just LIMP:
Freedom is an amazing gift...and also a somewhat lonely one. There have been times that my work-for-myself, freedom-filled (yet very busy) life have led to friends saying, "We didn't invite you because we didn't think you'd be free." Oh, the irony.
My freedom to say yes at a whim & run off to exotic places for work or fun left my home front untended & sometimes empty of community in the one place I wanted it most...my own backyard. But hey...I didn't have an over scheduled calendar & could still say "YES!" if my dream opportunity popped up!
Only...what was that dream I was waiting for? The more I waited, the less I could recall. Until one day I looked up at the tumbleweeds blowing thru my social calendar & thought, "My freedom & the adventures it brought made me interesting...but rarely free to sit down & share stories+laughs over a cup of coffee. Could I have a little TOO MUCH freedom?!"
And so here I am, pondering whether I'd disappoint anyone if I traded in my free spirit moniker for a less exciting, more predictable version of me. One who isn't on a plane 2-3 times a month & has time for afternoon coffee, regular weeknight yoga classes, & Sunday night dinners with my parents.
Can I be a free spirit who finds joy in the weekly grocery shopping instead of far off lands? Might I prefer the state of calm a predictable routine could give me to the excitement of not knowing what state I'll be working in three weeks from now? Is it anyone's business but my own? Would people even notice or care?!
I don't know the answers...but I am loving the questions. Maybe it's time to redefine my version of a free spirit. It's hard to pack my tiara + cape when I travel...so maybe the answer is more time at a home. A free spirit certainly spends as much time as possible in a tiara + cape, right?!
What needs redefining in your life? Won't you play with me & turn the old version on its head...free spirit style?!
Are you ready to redefine your life?! To create success on your own terms?
Click here to learn more about Leslie and how she can work with you or your team to turn old, ineffective ways of doing things into new, engaging versions that best utilize your skills & talents.